This is a Btch
by Amvmaster
Summary: Ok I get it, being SI'd into another world is nothing terrible, said world was a series I haven't seen since I was 13 and being a weapon wasn't all that bad either, but can someone tell me how the hell does a fighter jet count as a fucking weapon? Self-insert
1. Chapter 1

**Alright welcome one and all to well an interesting project, interesting the point where I was so bored while brainstorming that I wrote this... interesting concoction that and I haven't really seen a whole lot of Soul Eater SI's sooooo yeah this should be interesting.**

* * *

**Chapter 1 Enter the Reaper's den.**

Ever had those nights where you're up so late that even if you went to bed it would be morning in about a couple hours? Well I officially did it, not really a good thing I know but not like I had school or work in the morning, especially not when you've only had about 6 hours worth of sleep to go off of and coherency isn't the biggest thing one should be focusing on not when they had chapters to go edit and compose.

Don't know why but sleep deprivation seems to be the only thing that keeps the creative process going for me, I hate it but I also can't help but love it at the same time.

Yeah that's a weird love-hate situation if I've seen one.

So here I was wholed up in my room, slouched over my desk as I stared at my laptop screen, low beats of lofi music played through my earphones blocking out the surrounding sounds of the usual winds of the night.

My fingers tapping against the keyboard only to stop mid-way to take another look at the sentence I just wrote, making sure it sounded grammatically correct before pushing onto the next sentence.

Those little inbetweens were the ones that kept me from writing gibberish even if what I was writing looked more like gibberish later when I had a friend or two of mine take a once over to see if they could pick up anything that I obviously missed.

Stopping I took a couple seconds to reach for my bottle of water only to stop mid pick to see that it was pretty much empty, damn looks like I'm going to need to refill it.

Pulling out my earphones I quickly got out of my chair, taking my bottle I silently slinked around my floor and out to the hallway, making sure to keep silent I slowly closed my door just far enough for light to seep through a crack, that should give me a good idea where the hell my room is despite me living in this house for so long I knew exactly where everything was with my eyes closed.

After a quick refill of my bottle I made my way back to my room, to my laptop I sat down to get back to work only to stop and stare in confusion.

"Wha-the hell happened to the doc?" I mumbled out in confusion as the doc that I was working on was replaced by an old logo I haven't seen in ages.

A cartoonish looking skull, Death's mask the same Death from Soul eater... Shit it's been ages since I've seen Soul eater but that was the least of my problems especially when my doc was replaced by this logo. Grabbing my mouse and moving it around I expected the logo to disappear, instead nothing changed no mouse icon appeared nothing happened.

"Oh come on don't tell me it crashed." I exclaimed tapping the escape button as once again nothing happened, well thats just fucking perfect looks like I'm going to have to do a force shutdown and go to bed I could already hear my mum knocking on my door with her angrily trying to wake me up to do some job for her.

Fuck it better to have some sleep over no sleep.

Pressing down on the power button I tiredly leaned back in my office chair, staring up at my rooms ceiling I listened to the familiar sounds of the laptops fans immediately stop indicating that the system was shut down.

"Alright time for be-uh wha?" pausing mid sentence I stared with eyes open as the screen didn't shut off, sitting up straight at attention my eyes stared at the Cartoon skull of Death as it's eye holes suddenly had a yellow tint in them. "Well this isn't creepy." I exclaimed my hand moving to grab my phone to take a quick picture of this and send it over to my discord mates.

Unplugging my phone I quietly started tapping away at the touchscreen to get to the photo app I only stopped and stared at the screen for a quick second, wait where did the logo get to-

* * *

_Gasp!_

Eyes flying open, heart racing, confusion hold on what the-ow headache!

"_Oooooooow_." I gasped out, my mind going totally blank as the pain in my head just increased tenfold while I felt my entire body start to tighten ok no this hurts more than the headache ow ow OW!

Ok this has got to be the most painful thing that has ever happened to me even worse than the time I dislocated my knee, I will never forget that pop sound ever again in my entire life.

Ignoring the large pains in my body I pushed myself into a sitting position, my vision blurred until I rubbed my eyes, one thing I hated about waking up is the fact I had to rub my eyes just so I can see in the morning, if I could that one annoyance I would do it in a heartbeat.

"Well this is an interesting occurrence." Hearing the voice my head slowly turned up to stare up at a random person, blinking in confusion I found myself staring at a tall black cartoonish looking… Death, the same Death with the mask that just appeared on my laptops screen before… uh something happened.

"Hello, I'm-"

"The grim reaper?" I exclaimed seeing as he looked like the grim reaper from Soul Eater that I was just thinking about previously before… I'll got it 'the drop' for now.

"My aren't you intuitive while yes I am the grim reaper you can call me Lord Death, well it's lovely to meet you but I must say where on earth did you come from?" Lord… Death's mask appeared to move as if to give me a questioning look, which somewhat weird but also strangely amusing.

"Uh, I have no clue what in the hell is going on and I'm pretty sure I'm more confused than you are to how or why I'm… here?" I said in a questioning tone while I took a quick look at my current surroundings, I saw myself in a room that was surrounded by graves of different proportions, styles and religions but the one thing that really connected them aesthetically would be the fact they were old not like 20 years old, I mean borderline ancient pieces of history old.

And the room looked like it was painted to be like it was an aesthetically large barren wasteland and the clouds in the sky were… actually moving somehow or way, I now remember why I decided not to question the aesthetics of Soul Eater because it confuses the shit out of me and I decided to just ignore it.

"I see well this has got to be mind numbing for you, hmmm how should I handle this I wonder?"

"I could name a couple things you could do for me, like tell me where the hell I am why am I here or better yet can I go home." I said trying to get some sort of answer to any one of those questions.

"Well one you are in the death room where I main reside in my school called the Death Weapon Meister Academy or DWMA." Death said as I continued to just sit on the ground looking up at his really cartoonish figure. "Two I have no clue how you got here or why all I do know is that you just appeared on my floor in a flash of light and thirdly as you can already believe with what I just said, I don't know how to get you home."

…

…

…

"Well fuck nuggets." I breathed out, my shoulder dropped when I had the facts slapped into my face like a rubber chicken.

"Now now no need to be so down look I can see your predicament and clearly I have feeling your not from around here, simple enough I could offer you a place to stay until I can acquire some answers to send you home how does that sound?" Death offered as an immediate response to my depression, if it was anyone else this would be a weird thing for them to say but with what I could remember of Death he was fairly on point with his democrated side meaning he understood that I am a very confused person in a very weird situation.

That or he has no idea what the hell is happening and is deciding to just deal with me in moderation rather than just fully going out his way to get me home immediately.

Either way I don't think I mind all that much really.

Getting up, I suddenly felt my foot slip forwards stopping me from moving but what caught my eye was that my foot was replaced by a wheel.

"What in the-"

"Well this is quite peculiar sight, you're a weapon." Death said my body suddenly overshadowed, looking up I found Death leaning right over me his large white cartoonish hand rubbed the portion of his mask where his chin would have been.

"I'mma what now?" I may have sounded more confused than I would like to be but the open idea that I'm suddenly a weapon is kind of out there.

"A demon weapon to be exact, a person that can transform themselves into powerful weapons used to fight the evil's of this world huh well this is an interesting, I wonder what kind of weapon you would have to be in order for you to have wheels?" Death seemed to tilt his head, his attention focused on my still transformed foot.

"I hate to ask this… but what does this mean for me?" I asked unsure what was to happen next especially now that I was apparently a weapon of all god damned things.

"Well you could take this as an opportunity or not but I don't see why you shouldn't stop you from doing the things you want to do." Death explained as I kinda expected him to give me this big ol speech about responsibility and power and all that other shit, man I've watched too many spiderman reinstallments.

Ah shit looks like I'm being SI'd again, wonder if being an SI is easier than writing one?

"By the way do I look weird to you?"

"Hmmm not really, you look like every other 14 year old freshmen that come into my school despite your soul looking a lot older than what your body shows of course."

"Lord Death said what?"

* * *

Well I was immediately wrong.

"I hate being 14 again." I mumbled out as I stood in front of a reception office, my right hand sore from filling out a large portion of paperwork ranging from status, addresses and other crap like naming n shit.

Ok if there was one bad thing about being an SI that most SI stories don't exactly pick up immediately has to be the paperwork especially when you had to create a brand new identity thank fuck they actually had paperwork ready and waiting but why did it have to be such a grueling fucking process.

Why couldn't I have been SI'd into One Piece? Paperwork is the last thing I'd have to deal with there.

_Over in another universe_

"GOD DAMN IT GARP ANOTHER BUILDING THIS IS THE THIRD ONE THIS WEEK!" Yelled Sengoku his desk holding a towering amount of paperwork that hung over his head knowing exactly how it came to be and how much time he was going to have to waste going through it and signing it, Sengoku only wished that he wasn't the only one suffering from such a great amount of work.

_Back to the previous universe_

I was done, but the only thing that appeared to be left was my name, which wasn't a hard choice I just went for the name that I've used over the last couple years whilst I was online.

"Ok Aunty I'm done." I exclaimed handing the final piece of paper over to the large but extremely polite and nice receptionist who took my form.

"I see thank you Jackson D. Holic, my well isn't that a strange name, then again I've had more peculiar names come by during my time." Aunty said as I just nodded in understanding while silently massaging my right hand, I haven't written anything with that hand in ages just recently I just got back into drawing but… I guess that's a bit of a pipe dream now.

"Now then usually we tell new students to make their way to the nearby dorms but since Lord Death has personally voted for you, you will be going here to this address." Aunty promptly placed a note in front of me, picking it up with a confused look I just saw the address that she mentioned on the paper with a small note attached to it.

Opening the note I read the following words.

_Hello, I did a little check on your soul and I must say you have an interesting type, unlike most people's souls whos are more entwined with their own ideals or opinions or personalities causing a slight stiffness in utilizing their own souls, your's is more flexible so out of thought I decided that instead of throwing you into the wolves den so soon, you may as well instead experience some form of soul training._

_So that is why I'll be sending you to the best teacher I know who can help with said training._

_Good luck, from your new friend Lord Death._

_PS your teacher is an eccentric character._

"Uuuuuh Aunty you know this place is by chance?" I quickly questioned watching how Aunty's smile grew an inch more in the curvature.

* * *

"So… my teacher lives in a graveyard, this should be fun." I said looking at the weird patch and stitched up looking house that sat literally in the middle of a graveyard, why I think I know but I feel like I should know this patchwork design from somewhere.

Weird.

**Chapter 1 end**


	2. Chapter 2

**Damn it has been a while since I've uploaded another chapter but worry not I have brought all you salvation from your boredom.  
**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2 Frankenstein's Expy. **

"Uh anyone home!?" I yelled out my fist lightly knocking on the front door as I decided to ignore the familiar thoughts came around when I took notice of the surroundings, I mean this was probably from anime/manga so it's pretty obvious why the place looked so familiar but still I just couldn't put my finger as to where the fuck have I seen this place before or better yet who live here.

I think it was Sid… the zombie if I'm right?

He is a Zombie now right?

Right?

Knocking again I tried to call once more but still no one answered, I was starting to think that Death may have given me the wrong address or sent me to a random place just get me out of the school until he came up with something to deal with me.

I mean I don't exactly doubt him for not, I'm not the easiest person to deal with and I have a tendency to question people more than what they are used to there's also my tendency to makes things incredibly worse if I don't pay attention to something.

Where was I again oh shit yeah waiting for someone to up the damn door just so I could see who was supposed to train me, if I had to guess though I'm probably going to end up being trained by that red headed guy.

What was his name again? Had a really disturbing attachment to his own daughter and that was fairly weird to be honest, maybe that was probably a character thing to allow fans of the series to underestimate that guys capabilities, I mean he is a death scythe for a reason after all.

"Whoa what the-" Quickly as ever my mind was thrown away from my train of thought and my attention replaced back onto the door that magically flew open to reveal the home inside, blinking in confusion my ears immediately picked up on a sound, the sound of an office chair rolling down a-Oh shit I now remember whose house this is and better yet who the hell Death assigned as my teacher for… however long this is going to be.

Stepping away from the door I silently watched as the man who was going to be my teacher riding his office chair suddenly hit the lip of the door frame throwing him off his chair and tumble around on the floor.

…

…

…

"Damn that didn't work looks like I'm going to have to re-adjust." The man with the very large screw in his head exclaimed, getting up and grabbing his chair, "Sorry about that, let me try that again."

I continued to watch in silence as the man rolled right through his house on his office chair only for it to trip once more on the lip of the door frame causing yet another tumble. I knew Stein was eccentric but this just took the next level ecentric up a notch and then slammed a nail down to say this was how far you had to be for you to count as being eccentric.

That or I'm over thinking everything since I'm somewhat brain dead with little to no sleep I've had in the last few days.

After the second time Stein hit the ground I slowly walked over to look at the large headed man.

"You done or do you want to have another go at this thing?" I questioned watching how the stitch covered man stood up and sat back on his office chair.

"Nah I'm done, so you're the kid that Lord Death said I had to train?" Stein exclaimed his hands pushing up his circular glasses up his nose. "Hmmm just as Lord Death said a flexible soul with an interesting added age to it, tell me…"

"Jackson."

"Jackson, tell me how old are you actually?" Stein questioned his mouth curled up into a large smile.

"Twenty one, but since I'm apparently in the body of a fourteen year old not a whole lot of people would believe me." I said knowing fully well that I wasn't going to be drinking anything to soothe whatever annoyance I was going to be having later.

"Interesting hehehe well this shall be an interesting time, so tell me Jackson what do you know about the soul?" Stein questioned throwing his arms up and over his head, kind of a weird question to suddenly push on me but it wasn't like I couldn't disagree and try to ignore it.

"Souls are the collective consciousness of people and living beings that reside on this planet, it's the one that can define people with personality and shit I don't really know I just got told you could train me in using my soul or something." I admitted not really caring if I was wrong or not, actually wouldn't surprise me if I was wrong anyway.

"Well close, but it looks like I've got my work cut out for me so this should be interesting hehehe."

* * *

Ok this is pretty weird.

"Alright while we are going through your tests, I'll explain the basics in a way that will be simple for people who are just starting to learn this." Stein said as I started to do push ups that weren't as hard as I would usually think.

"In this world there are people who devour human souls and turn themselves into mad people with craving to devour more and more souls, their goal is to be frank on the subject to satiate their hunger and finally become an evil existence we call a Kishin."

* * *

Taking as many puffs of air as I was able to run on the treadmill while I had this weird breathing mask thing attached to my face, yet again I'm extremely weirded out with how well I was taking this amount of physical activity so well I remember never doing this well in school or hell ever.

"For thousands of years kishin's have been sprouting up from time to time with the added existence of more magical side AKA witches, I'll leave that topic for later as I will go into more depth about that concept later." I heard Stein say as I felt the treadmill suddenly speed up.

"Now you may be thinking that how has the planet survived so long as it has, well that's where the DWMA come in, Death Weapon Meister Academy it's purpose is to stand to defend against the forces that would turn humanity into the depths of fear and madness, thanks to the efforts of the DWMA we've been pushing back those forces."

* * *

Ok I think I'm seeing a weird pattern here, I'm doing pull ups like they are nothing to me the fuck is going on with me?

"Meisters are people who wield weapons known as demon weapons, people who can turn themselves into weapons you yourself are one of course, which weapon is a curious thing though." Stein pointed out as he sat on his office chair, his eyes hiding behind the glint of his glasses.

"So what kind of weapon am I then?" I question dropping down from the bar I used my breathing very ragged.

"That's the thing that has had my curiosity, you don't mind if I disect you to find out-"

"Touch me with one any of your medical equipment and I am out of here." I quickly said remembering how… experimental Stein could get, for fucks sake he nearly dissected an endangered animal!

"Fine fine fine, you're no fun still we'll get to your weapon form later and seeing as I have gathered the correct amount of data I need, I can then move onto prescribing your training regimen."

"Training what now?"

"In order for you to have a sound soul to train with, you must first have a sound mind and the best way to have a sound mind is by having a sound body, make sense?" Stein questioned, my mind going somewhat blank as I just believed I just heard Stein quote the beginning of all of the Soul Eater anime episodes.

"_Sigh_ I'm going to hate this aren't I?" I questioned watching Stein's usual grin grew an inch longer in curvature. "I'm going to take that large disturbing grin as a yes, at least tell me where the hell I'm going to be sleeping before all this happens." I somewhat begged hoping that despite Stein being sadistic as ever he can at least tell me where the hell I'll be sleeping.

"Sure, follow me." Stein said getting off his chair making his way out of the small training room that was apparently used to test my apparently physical performance.

Following behind Stein he slowly made his way up a flight of stairs looking over the top steps. I was somewhat surprised to see a small four metre long hallway that stopped at a single door at the end.

"You'll be staying here, it's an old space I used to keep my things but after a certain incident with a runaway giant cockroach and a 8ft tall turtle I had to find another spot for those particular experiments and decided to turn this into one of two extra spare rooms." I now would like a little more context on what the hell happened here if he had a giant cockroach and turtle sitting in this supposed room.

Opening the door, the two of us walked in and I was surprised to see large loft like room, the floors were wooden and despite the walls still having the distinctive stitching wallpaper the room looked not as gloomy or dark as the rest of the house looked, especially when there was a window at the other end of the room where a single bed sat.

"Take it you like it?" Stein questioned me as I just nodded in silent agreement my body making it's way to the window, looking out it I could see DWMA at the top of the city from the limits of where stein's home sat. "Yeah this view gets me from time to time, well if you'll excuse me I've got Frogs to turn into zombies."

"Wait what?" I asked, suddenly turning my head to look at Stein with wide eyes who just chuckled.

"Oh don't worry it will all be fine," Stein casually said in a joking tone as he made his was to the door only to stop and point to the corner. "But just in case I know that I keep a couple guns in that corner of the room and random weapons around the house."

"You're joking right?" I asked unsure if Stein was joking or not.

"When it comes to Zombies I'm dead serious, so if there's an outbreak you'll know who to blame, get some rest I'll call you when it's time for dinner." Stein said suddenly closing the door while I wondered if coming here was a good idea or not, eeeeeh screw it when in doubt just grab one of those guns.

* * *

"JACKSON!"

"Huh wha-where?" I exclaimed, stumbling out of bed, my eyes blurry from my suddenly waking up from a nap that took in what an hour or two? How long was I out for I wonder? Blinking away the blurriness I watched in confusion as Stein quickly kicked the door he barged through backwards, "Stein what's… why are you covered in blood?" I quickly asked, noticing his coat and body was covered in blood and guts.

"Are those frog legs in your pocket?" I questioned feeling somewhat grossed out to watch as the scientist casually pulled it out and threw it to the ground with no worry.

"Yes, anyway good news we're getting take out for dinner." Stein suddenly said looking bizarrely too happy with the idea of eating out so suddenly, "But bad news apparently the frogs I had turned into zombies are now trying to eat us."

"I'm sorry the frogs are what?" I asked my attention fully focused on the man who was supposed to be teaching me.

"Oh yeah forgot good news the experiment was a success and it turns out you can zombify frogs, now they want to eat us." Stein said in a very happy tone of voice.

"...I am honestly really confused so can I get back to sleep or what?" I was unsure as to how I would need to handle this very weird situation.

"Well usually I would handle it but since I put the house on lockdown I can use this time to test your fighting capabilities." Stein suddenly said as he casually walked over one hand holding what looked like a double barrel shotgun and a leather strap filled with red shells.

"You want to test me… with zombified frogs?" Never thought I would be saying that aloud, let alone in front of the man who promptly created the things.

"Yes now take these and good luck I got a good amount but I think I missed about thirty of them soooo you'll need to deal with those." Stein suddenly said, throwing the leather strap and gun to me before suddenly dragging me out of the bed I was sitting in, my arms just barely cradling the gun and ammunition before I found myself being tossed out into the small hallway just before the stairs.

…

…

…

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shouted at the top of my lungs turning back to the room just as the door slammed right into my face, "Argh fuck!" I yelped before feeling myself suddenly falling backwards, back first into the stairs before rolling and stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Oooooooooooow." Ok that hurt more than what the hell happened when I woke up in deaths room.

"If only I was given more context than just 'suddenly zombies, kill em.' then maybe I'd be more inclined to do this stupid thing." I mumbled out as I pushed myself into a sitting position, my head an absolute dizzy mess but at least I had some kind of cognitive thought in me to notice the very dangerous gun that was now sitting in my lap.

"_Ribbit._" Hearing the sound I looked up to see a frog, a blue skinned frog, blinking in confusion I watched as another one hopped out from around the corner and another and another and another an-Oh shit.

* * *

"Stein you are insane!" I yelled, throwing the door open to my room to see Stein sitting on the ground reading a random book he found or something I don't know. I was too pissed to really give a shit.

"Ah it appears you're done how was it?" Stein asked slapping the book closed as he had a good natured smile plastered onto his face.

"How was it? I'm covered in frog guts, blood and I'm forever traumatized by frogs that is how well it went you fucking Frankinstein expy!" I yelled out not even caring that I used a fanfiction terminology to describe Stein cause as far as I could remember in this hotpot of halloween gimmicks Stein was not only the obvious absolute Frankenstein expy but he took the title and made it his own!

"I see so I take it you take care of it, interesting kinda hoping you turned into a weapon but this is fine too." Stein casually said ignoring my outburst for the cold hard facts that I just survived and I apparently completed the task, by the way yes I got rid of the frogs lost count as one of the frogs jumped onto my face but screw it I got them all and I don't care if I missed one.

"_Ribbit._"

"Oh you missed one."

"Not my problem." I immediately said walking out of the room heading straight to the bathroom I found in my task of ridding the building of zombie frogs.

I don't know how long I'm going to be here for but this was probably going to be a long time before I get into the DWMA.

"I hate my life."

**Chapter 2 end**


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